Is It Socially Acceptable to Rape Sally Webster?

Yesterday, I tweeted that '...I hope Frank Foster rapes Sally Webster' and then followed up with something along the lines of 'Is it ok to rape a fictional character...?'.    Then some feminist got all up in my face and told me it's wrong to rape fictional characters.


(Those links bring you to the tweets)

I've paraphrased a bit there.  But anyway, it pissed me off.  Not just because she had the nerve to unfollow me but because her mindset is clearly so fucking self-righteous and narrow minded it is sickening.  So I'm going to rant about people like her for a bit then explain why it's totally ok for Frank Foster to rape Sally Webster.

First off, people who identify themselves as feminists are clearly sexist.  People are people and rights are rights and everyone should be free to be free.  It's simple.  Gays or blacks don't go around saying they are black-ist or gay-ist- they just say 'treat us with some fucking respect fuckers'.

Don't be a dick- identify yourself as a human rights activist.  So that's that with regards her identifying as a sexist.

Anyway, on to why it is ok for Sally Webster to be raped by Frank Foster.  The most important aspect of this scenario is that neither of these people actually exist.  They are characters in a British soap called 'Cornation Street'.  It is a soap that tries to mirror the lives of decent working to middle class people in Manchester, which is in England which is a member of the European Union.  Basically I'm only endorsing a violent act against people that don't exist.  (Except in our hearts).

Anyone watching any television program or film is a passive audience member; the only choice they make is to watch or not to watch.  They are at the mercy of the show's writers and directors. So by continuing to watch, they are unwittingly consenting to anything that happens within the story.

That doesn't mean they have to like it...but if they tune in for the next episode.... It means they are engaged and want to know more... and sadistic pricks.

All stories are about over coming shit, good v's evil and all that.  Stories are as important to our understanding of the world as they are to our evolution.  They impart knowledge and allow us to grow in empathy towards our fellow brothers and sisters.

So fuck you Niamh Murray- my newest arch nemesis, I'm now shifting my argument from it's ok for Frank Foster to rape Sally Webster to it's socially irresponsible for Sally Webster not to get raped by Frank Foster.

Soaps by their very nature are episodes of perverse torrents of emotional, physical and social abuse, each character must suffer and suffer, each week, in and out.  Moments of joy serve as preludes to shit hitting fans.

When the writers are sitting around, wondering what they'll do to fuck up each characters life, they have to approach the touchy subjects (like rape) far more carefully than, say, a tram crashing and blowing the bejayzus out of everyone. (Notice how no one suffered post traumatic stress till exactly one year after the tram incident?).  Why?  Because people will react more viscerally to emotional torture played out over 3-4 months than an explosion killing loads of people.

Frank Foster has made attacks on two main characters and now has another victim in his sights- Sally Webster.  Sally is no ordinary character as she has been on the show for over 500 years.  Which intensifies the seriousness.  I didn't see Carla getting raped, but as she is a main character and that character firmly believes she did- I am convinced he did rape her.  The bastard.

So the writers of Cornation Street have to tie up their story-lines and nobody wants to see Frank Foster get away with raping everyone and they cant let him get away with it either.  So how do they fix a 'his word against her word' scenario?  There is Maria but nothing actually happened between him and Maria, at least nothing that would hold up in court, so she cant come to the rescue.  He needs to rape again or he will get away with it.

Enter Sally.

So that's how that's gonna work out, Sally gets raped, which will serve to validate Carla's story to the other characters in Cornation Street and she can be emotionally released and move on.  They can then either have him locked up or get Kevin Webster to punch the shit out of him, letting Sally and Kevin get back together.  Anyway, that's neither here nor there, the point is Sally will probably get raped.

Rape isn't nice and it's hard to make good rape jokes and get away with them (but not impossible).

Stories of rape need to be told otherwise they won't be heard.  Simple logic really.  This story line is particularly important because the violence is very tame when you consider the violent images that are more readily associated with the thoughts of rape.  So it serves a purpose.  This type of attack is probably the most over looked and dismissible of sexual crimes.

There must be millions of women that have been in situations where they felt similarly threatened.  A story like this can be therapeutic.  From the other perspective- this may make men think twice or be more willing to hear the word 'no'.


So back to my tweet- 'I don't endorse rape but it's ok with fictional characters and in porn....right?'



This lady took what I said seriously and said 'no its never ok'- so I looked at what I said and took it seriously too and she's still fucking wrong.  


For a 'feminist' to tell me 'it's never ok' for fictional characters to get raped,  it's not just an incredibly stupid, narrow minded thing to say but it also makes me sick and get indignant and write lengthy blogs about how fucking stupid and narrow minded that was to say.  Consider the amount of raping that goes on and then consider the numbers that are reported and then consider that number to those that make it to court and then consider that to the number of convictions. I did the maths for you and the number I got was 6.  


So maybe- just maybe-  more fictional characters should be getting raped.  A story like the story line running through Cornation Street can help those suffering feel less alone- call me old fashioned but I believe that makes it important, at least to them.  




BUT ultimately it was a joke and if 'Mrs Browns Boys' has thought me anything it's this; We dont all have to have the same sense of humour.  It is perfectly acceptable for people to like varying forms of music or films but when it comes to comedy people are offended by what others find funny.  Fine, it was perceivably insensitive, especially the porn bit- but I dont care, it was a joke. 


So in closing- Fuck you Niamh Murray and anyone else stupid enough to say you cant talk/write/joke/wank/sing/draw/sculpt/knit about rape.  


Or anything else for that matter.


There, I said it. 


Dave.

My Latest Invention

The other night I couldn't sleep, why?  I'll tell you why- because I invented an idea in my head that basically reinvents the boring old blow job.  

I call it the 'Spinning Wall Mounted Blow Job Machine'.

Here is a sketch I drew.

The following close up explains the concept a little further.

It was inspired by several things.  None the least; blow jobs.  Let me talk you through the creative process that allowed me to create a machine that will re-invent blow jobs- For You. 

Inspiration #1: Getting blow jobs.  

The memo says 'Everyone is getting a free Blow Job!'

Inspiration #2: Lazy Susan's - both the spinning dumb waiter things and people called Susan.

3: RTE's 'Winning Streak' starring Martin Whealen and the girl from Carlow.

4:  Paul Daniels & Debbie McGee doing the throwy knifey trick

"How could this simple and elegant machine possiblé work?" I hear you ask in a french accent. Well that's a patented secret, dickwad.  But I'll tell you anyway.

You may have noticed 'bags' around the handsome gentleman's hands in the sketch.  Your eyes did not deceive you- they are bags.

I have a confession to make- I'm not very good at drawing hands...so I drew bags instead.   But I'm not standing up here professing to be some sort of brilliant hand artist- I'm a sex toy inventor and I should be judged by the merit of the product and not the artistic standard of the initial design concepts.

Anyway, I'm thinking of bringing this on Dragons Den or maybe bringing it to fundit.ie or kickstarter.com.  

I was considering getting someone to help me demonstrate how it works for the Dragons Den show...but because it's ye old prudish RTE- I may have to settle for showing them using a sex doll.

Would love to hear some feedback....

Update 00:15 Jan 4 2012- As it stands, with this current model it is only possible for men to receive spinning blow jobs...so in it's current state it is completely unsuitable for lesbians  :( 

Hey Kid!

Wanna see a dead whale?

Note the whale's penis.

I found this picture within the picture below.  I liked the humorous stand off between father and son.   I posted the picture below to show that I'm not a natural pervert, just a post pervert.

I call this picture- 'Proof I'm Not a Pervert'

A more indulgent man might write a poem,
About how this young buck,
Lost his way,
Swimming dry on his luck,
Found this dreariest of bays,
On this glummest of days,
A sombre home eternal for him to lay :( 

This is when I insisted on a minutes silence for the dead whale.

I call this one 'An Hippí agus An Whaleishteach'

Rebels Without A Cause

David Cameron yesterday declared war on disillusioned British youth.

I'm assuming he did this because none of his children are aged over seven and if they were acting up he'd probably become authoritative to retain control of their world and he doesn't really know better.  He's just being a dad and that's ok...but it's also really fucking wrong.

Teenagers are different to seven year olds.   Adolescence is about pushing boundaries.  It's the psychological fledging period that breaks us away from those luscious parental tits we loved to suck on.  It's a vital part of growing up.  If it wasnt, there wouldnt be so many Hollywood films about being a stupid teenager.

Being a stupid teenager is all about not being a child.  Being a child is all about climbing trees and doing what you're told.  So declaring war on teenagers is like saying 'Dont test me'.  And saying that to a teenager is like saying 'Im an idiot and dont know how to deal with stupid teenagers'.

It's during this glorious period of irrational boners, trainee bra's and excessive masturbation (....I'm generalising-not personalising here) during this period is when you realise that

A: Disney films were full of shit and
B:  Justice is an ideal to aspire to as opposed to a fundamental systematic approach to life.

Basically you find out that the whole wide world is actually the whole wild world and then you realise what wild is.  It's a dark forest with a tranny granny wolf waiting to eat you.

It's hungry and it's out to feed on you.  And that's why teenagers are emo.  Because everyone tells children the world is supposed to be fun and safe and just like justice- it's nothing more than an ideal to aspire to.  But you cant tell a child that big bad wolves exist and they're not really wolves but horrifyingly human, like your parents or government but nonetheless they still want to eat you.

So you coax them into it.  You reveal to them the truth incrementally.

You tell them Santa was nothing but an international conspiracy, orchestrated by parents to make you conform to their cultural norms and make you stop touching your penis in public.  You try squeeze the noble virtues of individualism you've falsely built in them into a tight box by telling them to keep their head down, study hard, get a good job and a safe home to provide for their future families etc all perfectly fine ideals.  But they're stupid teenagers and still think they can have it both ways.  They want the ideals from their childhood and will fight you tooth and nail to bring with them those cuddly ideals into their adulthood. This might even be why society improves with each generation.


The poor fucking twats that are the current bunch of adolescence have been brought up in a culture of deep fat fried consumerism.  A sick type of material want where education and hard work is rejected over the celebration of the quick and easy. They are bombarded with sexy sexualisation far younger than people of my age were.  I'm 27- which means, as a genius; I'll die soon...probably after this blog.

There's different types of teenager these days; goths, emo's, chav's, jocks, flava flav and cybermonkeys- and they all fucking hate each other.  Serious hate too, they physically kick and stab the shit out of each other every day going to school.  More often than not they go home to their parents dead.

When you throw the cultural expectancies (which vary from be rich and gorgeous to be a thug fuck) onto these social complexities (don't be different) and combined with the urge to be in control of your own life- you get one long winded brain fart and that's why these kids are stupid.  They're really fucking new to the world and that makes them ignorant.  They are like real people only with dipshit sensibilities...but we have to be nice to them because we (society) have raised them to be dipshits.   So to judge them is to neglect the huge failings of society.


Also, biologically- they are a Hormonal Cluster Fuck.   20% of them think about killing themselves- not just because they are hormonal but because they're ugly, fat, poor, lonely, gay, spotty or simply because they are really hardcore emo.  All teenagers are dormant atomic bombs of crazy emo.  The process of adolescence is fragile and it can be really traumatic.  I think we, the post pubescent, neglect the trials and tribulations of being a stupid emo teenager.


Ok, so that's why stupid emo teenagers are stupid emo teenagers.  What happened last week was not because stupid emo teenagers are stupid and emo-it's because they dont want to be the victims of the previous generations mistakes.


Those riots that sprung up in England, with all those disillusioned stupid teenagers- how was this not expected to happen? The teenagers that were rioting have grown up in a part of the world, that when you speak of social injustice you are speaking of their world.  They have every right to be angry.  These riots weren't political, they were social or cultural or even both.

For years pop culture has being telling people they should do whatever they want but lately it has been about living a lifestyle that isnt real.

I was at a gig last week and the lead singer of the band made everyone in the audience chant something about how we flew in first class....We didnt, we're Irish and we were in Ireland.  At first he asked 'who flew in in the economy section?' and everyone cheered, the guy stopped said '...no' and made us do it again and told us to accept nothing but first class.

Imagine if we were idiots and took him at his word?  Imagine if all my heroes kept telling me to have unrealistic expectations about everything the whole time.  Imagine if one of the best selling books of the past decade was a book that told you you could have anything you wanted if you wished hard enough and didnt accept the possibility of not having it.

Birds learn to fly because they see their parents doing it.  That's probably not true, I'm not a birdoligist  but it suits the point I'm making.

Imagine if birds were told they could fly but never go to flight school.  On their first flight they fall to their squishy death but just before they actually die, daddy bird was like 'Why didnt you flap your wings Sonny?'.  The bird's name is Sonny.  That's similar to whats going on with teenagers and thats why they have an attitude of entitlement.

We aspire to be the ideals we see in front of us.

You have a middle class and a rich class who are living lives similar to rock stars.   The rich can afford it and the middle class have borrowed space money from the future.  The working class then resent the good looking class and the government too because they hang out together.  So that's where or how the social divide takes place- it's not rocket science.  But it will continue to exist until the problems are addressed.

These socio-economic factors at play are in a danger of being over looked because of the extent of the mass vandalism and looting.  The people gathered out of an injustice that needed immediate attention.  But the violence rose out of unjust neglect that has been going on for decades.

For whatever reasons, that guy was shot and the community felt an injustice that needed to be dealt with appropriately, which it wasn't.  Even if it was a peaceful protest, it would have always been wrought with hostility towards the police force- who shot a man dead because they expected the worst from him.

'Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere'

They were protesting and people got angrier because they weren't being listened too.

Teenagers, being half human and half of everything else that's wrong with the world- they acted out.  Those teenagers would have found themselves in a state of growing mass hysteria, it would be akin to going nuts at a festival.

They did what they should have done and acted out.  But the tragedy here is that they were so fucking stupid that they didnt know what they were fighting for.  If they had marched on political buildings or banks- they would be heros.  But they didnt because they are dumb shits.


David Cameron has declared war on dumb shits.

Triumphant Blogging and Solution to Homelessness in Dublin

Holy Shit, I completely forgot  about triumphantly returning to blogging.

Why haven't I been blogging?

I've been doing other stuff haven't I?

'Kinda' is the answer.

I was in Dublin yesterday, is it just me or has the homeless community become far more vocal about wanting money?  It's good that they have started a grass roots campaign but...now this is just me BUT - why do they have to act like zombies?

Why can't they be more like Dick Van Dyke in 'Mary Poppins'?  Then I would give them my spare change.

Anyway, I have an idea to hook them folks up.

Dublin city council should get these zombies to look after the on street parking around city centre.  Think about it, instead of pouring fuck loads of change into the meter to get 15 minutes of clamp free parking, why cant we put fuck loads of change into a homeless persons mouth and get an hour of charitable parking?   And maybe they could wash your car for an extra fiver?

They could just turn up when ever they would like some money.  I know what you're thinking-  how can we trust a homeless people to do this?  Well I've got a question for you- Why are you a racist?

Look, it's just an idea that I has that I thought I'd share with you, bottom line is we need to stop homeless people annoying me when I go to Dublin.  This is just one proposed method of dealing with it.

My 5 Point Plan For Michael Noonan

Irelands minister for Finance aka Minister for 'Cleaning Shit Up'  Michael Noonan has arguably the toughest role in Government that any Irish politician has ever had to deal with.  So I've devised a 5 point plan to help him play the only card we got left in this game- Entropy.

Firstly:

Make Over.  He should grow a handlebar mustache, buy a tooth pick and shave his head.  He probably should get a rhine stone studded leather jacket too and a pair of heelys.  Why?  Because he needs to adopt a 'Fuck You' image to match his dry cool action hero wit.  Also, when he socks' it to you, he can then glide out of there on his heelys, flipping you the bird as he slides bakcwards out the door.

Secondly:

Reputation. He needs to get balls deep into a sex scandal to attain alpha male status.  I know getting balls deep into anything is the first step of any sex scandal but I was speaking metaphorically.  I think he should get caught sending pictures of himself dressed as Ceasar with a bunch of sluts of questionable age to Lucinda Creighton on twitter.  I know this is morally wrong and sexist on many levels but we are in the midst of economic war.  Some rules have to be broken.  (That's the face she'd make when viewing his twitpic. )

Thirdly:

Redemption.  He needs to make the public love him so I propose he sell a kidney to a stranger in some arse country nobody's ever heard of.  Showing that he's a man of compassion and also good at geography is bound to warm the cockles of anyone pissed over the orgies with 17 year old girls.


Fourthly:


Rebel.  He should take up smoking Cuban cigars on the steps of the Oireachtas.


Fiftly:

Implementation.  With this new bad boy image, Michael Noonan would then be in the prime position to walk across the ocean to Germany and France and barge into their head office and tell them-

'We're going to restructure our debts right here, right now- Because if you don't- Ireland will sink this sinking ship called Europe in a matter of weeks....and Burn those Mother Fuckin Bond Holders.  So get your act together, Noonan out'

Then he could take that ECB/IMF austerity plan and light it with his cigar and slip glide his way out of there on his heelys.

My Triumphant Return To Blogging.

I haven't blogged in a long time.  I had moved my blog world over to wordpress but I think I've decided to move back to Blogspot.    It feels more like home...plus I get way more views here than I do on wordpress.   But wordpress is easier manage...I'll let you know what I decide.

Our 'Rent a Friend' webseries got knocked out in the 3rd round.   It wasn't the best feeling in the world-to lose so close to the end.  But it definitely was character building....as in it turned me into a cyncial cunt who hates everyone and everything.

But I'm moving out of that phase now, like the Glorious Butterfly I'm morphing into a Beautiful Majestic Swan.

I think I stopped blogging because I wasnt enjoying it as much anymore.  I was also pretty busy.  But being honest, wordpress was depressing me...  It was like I decided to be a real blogger... with my bull shit layouts and practically uploading my cv begging everyone to come suck my cock.

I originally started blogging because everyone had a blog and they were all shit and emo.  I wanted to be the cynical fuck in the corner taking the piss out of what a blog is.

I stopped doing that.  I started caring about winning awards- which I should have won by the way.  Wether I would ever be funnier than tricking some guy into saying a prayer for my David Blaine wannabe dead son.  Spelling, grammar, view counts- these aren't why I started blogging nor are they anything I ever should give a fuck about  (still care about view counts actually).

Anyway I'm announcing my triumphant return to blogging...there, I've just announced it.

Dave.

Ps, thanks for your text Lam.

Episode 2 is on YOUTUBE!!!!

Probably a few too many exclamation marks up there.  

We made it into round 3 of RTE Storyland, so thank you to everyone who got behind us.  We've received an astounding level of support.  This is the closest we'll ever get to being in an All  Ireland. 

Anyway, here's episode 2 in case you haven't seen it.

In case you haven't noticed this is taking up a lot of my time and therefore my blogging has taken a back seat.  If you need me, shine a light to the east with the Minogue symbol on it and I will find you.

Rent a Friend Episode 2

Hey Check out our second episode of Rent a Friend.

Watch it.  Vote for it.  Share it.  Then have a cup of tea.

This is it here.

Here's our latest promo

Rent a Friend Episode 1

Watch Episode  1 of Rent a Friend here or down below

Rent a Friend Needs Your Votes

Our webseries 'Rent a Friend' has gone live and we need your votes.

Not only do we need your votes but we need you to share/tweet the link and if possible to blog about it also.

The competition is tough so every vote and share is vital.  The support so far has been amazingly reassuring and has humbled this cock prick  (somewhat).

You can vote here.  And that is the link we'd ask you to share too.

We have a couple of promo's for you too and dont forget to join us on facebook

Share Your Heart

This is our second promo for 'Rent a Friend'




Please share the love, link found here

Bye Bye Blogger

I've decided to move from Blogger to Wordpress.

I understand that this will be tough for everyone but I would hope that you would trust me and follow the new and improved blog.

http://whatsdaveminogue.wordpress.com/

10 Tips For Improving The Catholic Church

Here's some tips i think that Ratzinger should employ to make the Catholic Church less boring and shit.

1:  End each episode of mass with a cliff hanger.  Every week its the exact same thing.  It's been the same story for over 2,000 years.  Why not leave people questioning whats going to happen next?     Whats wrong with;

'Judas ran into Jesus's secret lair and declared Moses was outside and he has a gun and he's drunk- that's it for this weeks sermon, may you go in peace and spread the love of our lord, amen.'

Or maybe leave on an agnostic note?

'God is great...or is he?'



2: Instead of holy bread, why not give people acid?  Bare with me.  Everybody knows acid is good for you if you take it for religious purposes.  Not only would the acid make the catholics firmly believe in bull shit that isnt there but it would also offer a chance for the church to front itself as a progressive 20th century organisation.

Plus, imagine how freaky it would be to be locked in a church for 20 (acid) hours, with an old pedophile ranting from a pulpit about  the burning of Gomorrah?  Every where you'd look there would be old people crying, scraping their eyes out, blood, jesus crying on the cross, the unholy flames of hell burning the air from your lungs.  It would be fucking amazing.  You'd go to mass every week.



3:  Get Jedward to turn up at mass to sign the bible.



4:  How about some in house competitions?  Like every opening sermon could be voted on during the week.  The priest could put up his top five sermons on facebook and which ever one gets the most likes he has to read.  Sorry thats not very good, I was reading a blog about online marketing earlier..........



5: The priest should have a gag word that he has to work into the sermon.  Like pig belly or roast hippopotamus.  It would be hilarious.



6:  Make priests skate board into church five minutes late every time mass is on.  This bad boy approach to mass telling would instill a certain respect for the disrespect from the congregation.



7:  Insist on "after hours mass" for anyone who has made their confirmation.  This ones a bit risque but i think it would work.  It would be after 10 every Friday and  everyone has to dress like they are sexy latinos.  This would clearly enable people to be more open and frank with each other about their beliefs in Jesus and his dad, God.



8:  Stop feeling up kids and lying about it.  Just be proud and bold, people will respect you more for this.



9:  Priests should be made carry swords and shields with them everywhere they go.  This would create a sense of importance and help gain the confidence of the local parishioners.  Lets say we were attacked by dragons in the morning, who would you call?

I dont know either. But if priests carried swords, who would you call?  Fr Murphy, thats who.



10:  Pizza Party Priests.  I think this should be an additional service offered by the Catholic Church.  The Priests make the pizzas and then deliver them. Simple.  If you're prepared to listen to a twenty minute presentation about Jesus it becomes a pizza party.  They could also give you a free holy garlic mayonaise with every garlic bread.

So there ya go Ratzinger, balls in your court now.

What do i want for Christmas?

An Abortion.

Looks like we'll finally be getting some abortions over here on the land of little munchkins.  Great.

Why?  Because Europe said so.  I'm glad they said so.  Why?  Because I hate children, but also if it wasnt for Europe, Irish people would be as backward and as fucked up as they were 40 years ago.  Fuck it, even 20 years ago.

Being gay would be punishable by death.  Being a woman would mean you'd know your place.  Marriage would still be a life sentence and your child would be on their knees sucking the holy cock of your local priest and you'd beat the shit out of him/her if she ever told you about it.

Granted our pop culture has taken a drastic turn for the worst and our college graduates dress like 80's rent boys or in the girls cases- aids victims, the working class still have shit facial hair but at least they're emigrating.  We can fix this, thanks to Europe.

Now we can take a pre-emptive strike against the cultural cluster fucks of the future and Abort the gee bags of tomorrow, today.
Hurray.

I dont have a real point, sometimes i just fucking hate this country.

Thankfully Europe wants to sort us out.

PS- if your so fucking stupid that you think that i think the best argument for abortions is to get people to stop dressing in skinny jeans and growing shit moustaches - then you should have been aborted years ago.

PPS- sorry for cursing.

Live Blogged Live Cornation St

Im live blogging the live episode of cornation street.


Ok, bad shits happened and a moany bitch is moaning.  Great episode so far. 20:01

A male has a portable chest trauma? Sounds sore and made up.

Nick cant act.

Girl cop's hot.

So far it feels like every other episode...just more make up.

I wonder how many times they've done this today.

Knackers screaming.

This is shit.  I cant blog and relate to the story simultaneously.

The liveness is starting to look shit.

Why would they want to make a sub par high climax episode to celebrate being an old tv show?

Tyrone just said he was the dad, snicker. He's not.

'The longer it takes, the better for this fella...more time for his organs to develop"

I hope someone sneaks the word 'cunt' into this.

The worst thing about this plot line is the following plot lines are gonna be

A: Not as interesting

B:  Full of  bull post traumatic trauma shit thats equally not interesting.



The knacker that looks like a rooster is trying to sell her knacker baby to her ex knacker sister thats still a knacker at heart.


So far there was only one hiccup; when the hot lesbian missed her cue.

I love Norris' girlfriend.

Is Ashley definitely dead?

You cant answer.  Blogs are no where near as good as twitter.

I know all the electrcity is gone but everything is still pretty well lit.

Whining and moaning for a full hour....

I hope that round of a applause was for him boning Rosie Webster.

Leanne looks like a crack head.  I used to fancy her when she was 15. (Thats not perverse because i was 13...we'd have made very good looking teenage parents).

I hope the breaks are live acted too.

You might have noticed i gave up on time coding this ages ago 20:13

I'd do beyonce....even though she looks greasy.  Further proof of how non racist i am... I wonder if Hitler was alive would he do her too?

This ad for RTE is more exciting than all the shows its advertising put together.

Speaking of RTE you should like our 'Rent a Friend' facebook page.  We're part taking in this years Storyland competition.

It's back on 20:17.


I hope Molly dies.

The doctor who just found out that Tyronne just found out he's not the biological father was very diplomatic and mature about it....way more mature than i was.

Personally i think Kevin should sneak some blood into the baby when  nobodies looking.

I wish i wrote for Cornation Street.

Dev is always crying.

He's a terrible crying actor.  20:20.

Norris doesnt know that Rita is bleeding to death in the rubble of his shop.

I love the guy who's going out with Tina.

Nick cant act.

Tranny Chesney should stop screaming, giving birth is not painful at all.

If i had to choose between Carla and Leanne, even if i was about to die and it was going to cause a load of drama after my death, I'd still choose Carla.

I'd love some morphine...for my pain...pain of having to live blog this.

This episode is really really dramatic. 20:24.

I hope one of the actors has an existential melt down during a scene.

Looks like the babys dead :(

Now they're sawing Molly in half.  Good.

I hope Sally kisses Molly with loads of tongue.  That would be almost hot.

Baby Jack is gonna die.  Thats my prediction.

Sweet, Kevins giving the baby a sneaky blood job.

Leannes gonna get married to a dead guy?  WHAAAA?

Ken Barlow cant act.

Actually im a registered minister with the universal church of life, so if anyone wants me to perform any ceremonies i can probably help you out.  Just be prepared to $$$$$

Cool the crippled girl just stood up....you always hear of miracles happening in times of extreme circumstances.

John should stop looking at that nearly dead baby and go hide the body of the woman he just killed.

Cool another commercial.... 20:31.

Im not blogging during this commercial.

Back 20:35

Nicks in the hospital.  Being a shit actor.

I wonder does Leanne know that Nick orchestrated this whole catastrophe?

Look at Clare acting shocked.

More moaning.

Accidental zoom that added  needless drama to a scene.

I wonder how long it will be before the plot lines move on from all this drama bull shit.

This is so unrealistic...nothing bad ever happens in real life.

Gary is having a trip on the floor.

I have to say that all in all this looks not all that different from a real episode.

Where's exknacker becky off too?

That oxygen bag on molly isnt even moving...shes fake breathing...?

Yes, Molly's dying.

This storyline with john accidentally killing that really ugly woman really annoys me.

'Something, Borrowed'  all these extras are very smooth.

Poor old Rita.  Lying dead with every one of her dear friends laughing about how shes a drunk.

Another commercial break....20:45.

This blog is shit, i regreted doing it around 20:02.

I remember at 20:02 on the  02/02/2002 everyone was saying you should make a wish....what a load of bull shit.  Not really actually because my wish was for a boiler to explode on cornation street and a run away tram to kill everyone.

Coke Christmas ad.

That denny ad is actually a documentary filmed last year...it was on the Ray D'Arcy show today.

My throat is sore.

We're back 20:49

Rita's not all dead.

I dunno why the fireman needs to report to Sally every time he does anything.

Molly's talking shite.

Graham, thats his name.  I forgot.

Ashley's leaving a message from beyond the grave....spooky.

This happened in 9/11 so its realistic.

Funny how all the background noise just died.

The ugly psycho isnt dead?  Its like a horror movie.

I missed what happened.  Molly's a bit of a cunt, as if Sally's day wasnt shit enough, now she has all this to deal with.

What happened to all the firemen and ambulance women?  Actually thats a bit sexist isnt it?  All the men are firemen and all the women are ambulance women.

Peter's death/wedding is taking for ever. 20:56.

'I now pronounce you man and wife' 20:56

'Time of Death 20:57"

More screams...isnt she supposed to wait for the bedroom for that? LOL

Everyones dead.

I'm not going to proof read this blog,  like i ever do.

At least they didnt fuck  it up.  Very professional.

Read this:

I took this from this blog:

‘Just off the coast of Autonomy, across the Bay of Good Intentions, lies the fog shrouded Isle of Best Interests’.

If you have arrived at this blog today looked for cheer and sympathy for your woes – snow bound, central heating boiler broken down, redundancy imminent, then I am sorry for you – but you would be better off elsewhere.

My post today concerns a young man who needs our help and support.

Stephen Neary is a 20 year old man with Autism trapped in a Kafkaesque nightmare.

It is a story that should be trumpeted from the front page of every main stream newspaper – but it won’t be. They will keep silent.

Autism is a ‘broad’ word, describing a wide spectrum of conditions with defining characteristics involving a difficulty in communicating with other people, and a restricted range of activities and interests. It can range from the mild to the profound. It is most definitely NOT a mental illness.

Some of those on the milder end of the Autistic spectrum are able to operate in ‘our’ world with relative ease, by choosing occupations such as computer programming where the ability to concentrate on repetitive tasks and not to be distracted by idle chatter is highly prized – almost certainly the software that allows you to read this post involved people who might be diagnosed as ‘Autistic’ – many of our greatest composers and artistes have been autistic so it is a mistake to see the condition as an entirely negative attribute.

Some autistic individuals suffer from an inability to empathise – to see their actions as other ‘might’ see them. They only see their own factual intention in those actions.

It follows, therefore, that those with autism find it easier to function in a familiar environment, where those who surround them can take an understanding view of their actions and utterances.

Stephen lived in such an environment, with his single parent Father, Mark Neary. One story will serve to illustrate the value of Mark’s long expertise in understanding Stephen’s unique thought process.

Together they watched an episode of Mr Bean, where Mr Bean put the Christmas Turkey on his head. They both laughed. Stephen likes to see his Father laugh. He promptly disappeared to the kitchen, and his Father figured out his probable pattern of thinking just in time to prevent the family’s freshly roasted Christmas Turkey being forced over his head….Stephen certainly couldn’t live alone without support.

Finding himself in a situation where others ‘misconstrue’ his actions makes Stephen agitated and frustrated, for he can’t express himself or understand that there might be more than one interpretation of his actions.

One cold winter’s day, Stephen’s father succumbed to the flu. Genuine flu – you don’t suffer from ‘Man Flu’ when you are a full time single parent carer. He rang his local authority’s respite centre, where Stephen had been once before, to ask if they could look after him for three days.  They could.

At the end of that first day in respite, despite the fact that Stephen had been there many times before, the staff felt themselves ‘unable to cope with Stephen’. He was aware that his Father was ill and upset at being separated from him. The respite centre transferred him to the ominously named ‘Positive Behaviour Unit’.

Now the Positive Behaviour Unit is a mighty politically correct place. Tap someone on the shoulder to attract their attention, and they don’t think ‘that is how Stephen has always attracted my attention since he was a child’ – they say – ‘he touched me, that is an assault’ and promptly record it in their daily log…..

When Stephen’s Father went to collect him after three days, they had logged many such ‘assaults’ – and announced that they were retaining Stephen for ‘assessment’. No! His Father couldn’t take him home.

There is no danger of Stephen being ‘sectioned’ under the Mental Health Act, for Autism is not a mental illness and not covered by that Act.

However, there is another, newer piece of legislation which does cover those who ‘may be at risk of harming themselves’. It is known in shorthand as DOLs. Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards. It applies to hospitals and care homes and describes the circumstances under which they can – not ‘lock someone up’, for that is the province of the Mental Health Act – but turn the key in the lock and not give that key to someone ‘in their best interests’……it is a fine piece of legalese that may leave you baffled.

The ‘best interests’ requirement:

(1) The relevant person meets the best interests requirement if all of the following conditions are met.
(2)The first condition is that the relevant person is, or is to be, a detained resident.
(3)The second condition is that it is in the best interests of the relevant person for him to be a detained resident.
(4)The third condition is that, in order to prevent harm to the relevant person, it is necessary for him to be a detained resident.
(5)The fourth condition is that it is a proportionate response to—(a)the likelihood of the relevant person suffering harm, and(b)the seriousness of that harm, for him to be a detained resident.

It certainly left Stephen baffled, for he could no more get through that locked door than if he had been ‘locked up’ under the Mental Health Act.

The longer they kept Stephen behind that locked door, away from his Father, the more upset he became, the more people he tapped on the shoulder to ask when he might be allowed home again…..eventually the ‘Positive Behaviour Unit’ had logged 306 such incidents over a seven month period, and decided that Stephen’s behaviour was ‘so challenging’ that he could never be allowed to return home.

Despite the fact that by this time the unhappy Stephen had been assessed as ‘extremely challenging’ – too ‘dangerous’ to be returned to his Fathers care, Stephen, unattended by these ‘professional behaviour managers’  managed to slip out of the Unit, in his pyjamas, and attempted to return home. During the course of this futile flight, he met up with a Vicar – and according to one report, removed his glasses ‘aggressively’. The authorities are unable to even name the Vicar, far less file a report from him.

Now comes the interesting bit – thank-you for reading this far!

Whilst Stephen lived happily at home, he had the support of professional carers from the ‘Trinity Noir’ company. Stephen’s father was very happy with the level of support and had no complaints. The Local Authority footed the bill, as is their legal duty. Changing Stephen’s diagnosis from “autism, severe learning difficulties and challenging behaviour”, to “extreme challenging behaviour, learning difficulties and possible autistic spectrum disorder” may seem hair splitting to my readers, but on such finite definitions rest the liability to pay for Stephen.

The new diagnosis could shift the responsibility for care onto the NHS Primary Care Trust…..the current suggestion is that Stephen is ‘sent to a care home in Wales’, many miles from his home in London, who will ‘assess the reasons behind his behaviour’ – I would think most of my readers will have figured out for themselves by now the reasons for his behaviour. He wants to go home! His Father wants him to go home!

Those of you with a modicum of legal knowledge will be saying ‘but surely he can get legal representation and go before the mental health tribunal – I’ve read about cases like that?’

No, he can’t, he has no access to the Mental Heath Tribunal – Autism isn’t a mental illness. This action isn’t being taken under the Mental Health Act – it is being taken under the Mental Capacity Act. Under the MCA he only has access to a ‘Best Interests Assessor’ – who is appointed on a consultancy basis, and paid, by…..the Local Authority.

He can be deprived of his liberty for up to a year, which period can be renewed indefinitely, for the purpose of ‘assessing’ him – see above – being sent to Wales to ‘assess’ why he is unhappy at being locked up.

The only Court to which he has access – purely for ‘appeal’ purposes, is our old friend, the secretive Court of Protection. Assuming that Stephen can figure out how to make an application to the Court and represent himself….

As it happens, the Local Authority have already done that, not on Stephen’s behalf, but on their own behalf. They wish to have a full ‘Welfare Deputyship’ so that there will be no awkward parent demanding the return of their child – and his support package. It will be their decision where he lives.

Remember, Stephen only went into respite care for three days, that was last December. Almost a year ago to the day.

His distress at being parted from his Father has been treated as ‘challenging behaviour’. His attempts to escape have been treated as ‘a risk to himself and others’, including his Father. (The risk to others is no part of the Mental Capacity Act!)

After next week, no one will be able to write of Stephen’s case. It will vanish behind the stone walls of the Court of Protection. Just one more file.

You can help by giving this case as much publicity as possible over the next few days.

You can sign the petition demanding he be returned to his family. (Currently 2,286 signatures).

You can write of Stephen’s case on your own blog.

If you still have time to spare, might I suggest that you write to whichever Daily Newspaper you read and ask them why their pages are full of tittle tattle from illegally released diplomatic cables – and yet they can never find the space to illustrate true injustices happening to a British citizen right under their noses?

Rabbitte Season

I've met Pat Rabbit twice in my life.

Once during the 2007 election, where he didnt really want to talk to me.  Probably because i was wearing a hoody and walking around with a girl and he had to walk around with Sean O'Hargain.

I remember him being taller than i had preconceived  and very not interested in talking to me about my own fiscal policies.   It's ok, though, i was intent on voting for Green /Labour candidates anyway, so maybe he was just being efficient.

The second time was at a 'Stop selling women for sexy time' talk.  Just after the strip club in town opened and it was  the 'hot thing' to be pro womens are human too.

I had to take his photo, when i got home i noticed he was standing on his tippy toes.  It was because he was beside Joan Burton.  Who is fucking TALL.

I wasn't put off by the vanity of it all, in fact i completely understood it.  I was, however incredibly impressed with the savvy-ness implied.

He knew,  that i'd be cropping that picture when i got home and probably assumed i wouldn't even notice.  He also knew that height is something that subconsciously triggers a judgement in people and that if he were to appear smaller than the women in the picture then he'd be somewhat slightly emasculated in the eyes of the people.  People that weren't even in his constituency.

Now writing i cant help but think he also served an injustice to the cause he was arguing for.  The Equality of Women.  Would he have done this if he were in a room full of men slightly taller than him?

What if he was in a room full of smaller people? Would he have leaned down to their level?

Anyway, my intent was never to dwell on the shallowness of this man.

This man is sheer brillant.
An articulate, honest, angry voice of the people.
There should always be people, of all heights, of this nature in opposition to every single government, every where.

Animal Portraits

Ad reads:
'Multiple award winning artist offers expressive pet portraits at reasonable prices.  Makes an ideal gift or memento of your beloved pal.  Done from photographs and rendered in pencil.  Available inA4 at 30 euro and A3 at 50 euro'


dave minogue ✆ to serv-8c9sw-177.
show details Jul 12
Hi,

I was wondering if you do only domestic animal portraits? If so could you give me a list of animals that you do or dont cover.

Regards,
Dave


Amy Murphy ✆ to me
show details Jul 13
Hi Dave!

I'm willing to tackle anything if you'll send me on what you'd like! If you have anything else you want to ask - please do.

Kind regards,
Amy Murphy


davetheminogue ✆ to Amy
show details Jul 13
Amy this is terrific. I'm actually an amateur taxidermist and i have a large selection of old pets, birds and road animals (i hate the term 'Road Kill').

Anyhooo, over the past six years or so people have been turning up at my door to have a look at my work (i have over 100 hundred different species). I'm also a bit of a 'character' so i think people just love the experience of coming to my home and seeing things like a stuffed wild boar by the fire or the geese at the table. It's a bit ridiculous i know but i guess it's just a hobby gone mad.

Anyway i thought it would be great if i had little postcards for the kids to go home with. I had experimented with photographs myself but i dont have the eye for it at all. So i was on http://www.craigslist.org looking for pet photographers and i saw your ad and it just blew me away.

Now it is a bit of project and i dont want the full collection, maybe only 30/40? How would that sound to you? Would it be putting you under too much pressure?

Regards,
Dave


AMY.MURPHY ✆ to me
show details Jul 13
Wow, that sounds amazing! I'm very jealous.

I'd be more than happy to take on as many as you'd like - even if later on you decided you'd like more. It would take me a bit of time - maybe just over a month? Does that sound ok? I'm more than happy to post them over as I have them done, in tens or so, if you'd like. I assume you just need me to send on the originals for you to get them printed as postcards.

While it would probably be best if I kept the sizes of the originals to A4 - just for quality's sake - because there's so many I'll be happy to bring the cost per drawing down to 20 euro, let me know how you feel about that.

If everything's ok feel free to send on your photos and any specifications you have for each piece - and of course, any more questions you may have.

I look forward to getting to see some of your work!

Kind regards,
Amy


dave minogue ✆ to ULStudent:AMY..
show details Jul 13
Amy, while i appreciate your enthusiasm your naivety is a little startling.

I only need them to be about A6.5 and i'd need at least three dozen of each but i couldnt possibly charge families 20€ for a postcard? I dont think i could have even got away with that during the celtic tiger, if ya get me.

Are ya mad Amy?

I'm planning on selling them for 95c each, i'm not looking for a profit so i'd be happy to let you keep the full 95c per card.

Also a month might be a bit too late. The holiday season is at it's peak during the end of July and the begining of August, so at best i'd need them in 2 weeks....

Warm regards,
Dave


Amy Murphy ✆ to me
show details Jul 13
Hi Dave,

I appreciate your sentiment but I've done postcards before for venues and such and this is usually how it works

You commission the artist for the piece(s) and pay on completion.
You get the postcards printed.
You get enough printed so that once they're all sold they either pay for themselves or you make a profit.

I'm sorry but you can't expect someone whose livelihood is drawing to spend at minimum four hours per piece and only pay them a euro. At best I can offer you quick one hour sketches at five euro a piece.

Kindest Regards,
Amy


dave minogue ✆ to Amy
show details Jul 13
I dont mean to sound rude Amy, But are you Fecking Mad?

I just want you to draw me up 30 dozen postcards of my taxidemeried pets. I can bring it down to 30 half a dozen postcards to test the water but seriously Amy, i couldnt get away with the prices your talking about. €20 a card is ridiculous. I could bump it up to €1.50 or €2 a card but J. H. Christ love i'm telling you now, we'll go broke over night if we charge €20 a card.

Best wishes,
Dave


dave minogue ✆ to Amy
show details Jul 17
Hey Amy,

Havent heard from you in a few days, i hope you're not sick.

Have you had a chance to start on the postcards yet?

Warm wishes,
Dave

'ComaStoned 3'

Last Chirstmas we (thanklessfilms) decided to make our 3rd short, 'ComaStoned'.

In late august, we decided to make a sequel 'ComaStoned 2'.  It was as much a surprise to us as it was to anyone.  It won several awards, including best animation at the Oscars last year.  Which kinda sucked for the Cartoon Saloon, 'The Secret of Kells' was infinitely more of a cartoon than ours...but evidently not as good as the sequel to 'ComaStoned'- which wasn't even made at the time, so that must have double sucked for them.

We left a lot of loose ties at the end of CS2, to fuck with people's heads.  But it didn't really, they were just loose ends.  So we decided to make a third one, 'ComaStoned 3'.







We're probably gonna make a fourth one but you wont see it till maybe christmas 2011.

The 'ComaStoned' series has always been about family and friendship to us so please share the video with all your family.  I cant stress this enough, make sure you're whole family see this video.

Also you can subscribe to our youtube channel here and you can find us on facebook by googling 'thanklessfilms' in the thingy that finds shit.


Ps- sorry for cursing

'Selfish Bass'

So near a year ago, I was given the opportunity to make a music video for Diarmaid O'Meara, a tough up beat party techno peddler dj.  Thats his description, not mine.

Here's the video, watch it and share it if you like it.



The lengths we had to go to to obtain these mannequins was enormous.  But it was kinda cool living with loads of mannequins for a week.  

Special thanks to Diarmaid O'Meara for wrecking my head and giving us the chance to make this.

Thanks to;

Dermot Tobin, on this shoot i learned that Dermot is in fact a gremlin and can't be fed after mid night.

Ross Costigan who thought the mannequins how to drive.

Karen Reidy thanks for the camera- I'm sorry I tried to kick you out of the country.

Young Irish Film Makers- thanks for lending us flammable gels.

Kevin Hughes- sorry I broke you're light.

Radical/Ivan Cahil  thanks for.... you know.. X.

Hazel Fahy, sorry for wearing your clothes.

Mick Minogue, sorry i dirtied your candle.

Pamela Cardilo, i'll give that thing back soon.

Those folks who gave us the mannequins.

Ray D'arcy, thanks for getting me mannequins.

Cleeres pub, sorry about the bathroom incident.

Thats it i think....

I've Got Great News For You.

I've decided to establish my own political party.

We're probably no different to any other party really, the only difference is everyone is going to have great hair.

My own research on google has found people with shit hair tend to fail commercially so I've decided to apply my theory as my programme for government.

"Better Hair, Better Government"

The 'No broken windows' approach to governance.

Beyond having better hair than all the opposition put together, we do have a few other policies that are bound to appease the stupid.

For instance, instead of hidden taxes and tax hikes that hinder life for the poor; we're just going to make it illegal to be poor.  Which isn't really too far from how things are at the moment.  But we'll give everyone a stylised hair cut coming out of jail, which will of course make them better citizens.

In fact we're really just going to re-established the long lost tradition of poor houses.  BUT we'll merge poor houses with all FÁS courses & VEC beauty and child minding courses.

On immigration & emigration we'll take a tough stance.

Because we have so many people getting the fuck out of here and we still have a lot of people from Poland and Prussia still living here, we're just going to make them to swap names with each other.  Thereby lowering our emigration,  reducing the number of Polish ;-) and continuing the age old tradition of dole fraud amongst both the disporia and the our foreign brethren.

As regards the bond market, we're already pretty much on top of that.  We're just going to rename the country.  This way when they ring looking for their money it won't have anything to do with us. We're still researching names, we're thinking iLand in an increased effort to identify as a smart economy.

Job  creation is the new hot topic and of course we have a fucking genius solution for that too.  We're going to create more jobs.

Also we're going to make it illegal to have children for the next five years.  People can still adopt or foster,  just not allowed to procreate.  This will save money for years.  Approximately five.  I know you're thinking child minders will be out of work but we'll have put them in poor houses so fuck them.


As for taking €4 billion out of the economy next year,  renaming the country should save us from having to deal with the mess those pig fuckers made.

Speaking of pig fuckers.  As for minsters salaries and pensions we've decided that because we'll be doing such an amazing job we'll deserve to be paid more than the current drove that graze the Dáil.  Also, thats kinda like a legal thing, set by the last government, so like we couldnt change it even if we did really want too...

Thats about it, our party is called 'The Party of Self Respect' or 'POSR'

Oh and also we invented a new type of political system that is far more democratic and similar to the existing one- utterly useless.  It's an opt in type of democracy.  You pick your party and whatever bull shit their selling is the one you are forced to abide by.  For instance if Fianna Fail's policies are bend over and love it- thats what you gotta to do till you're 18 month subscription runs out.  It's pretty much based on phone contracts.

So for vote for 'The Party of Self Respect'

'Better Hair, Better Government.'



Or you could vote for.....